Saturday, March 11, 2006

My Coasters

Yes, Coasters. Not the band from the 50's or 60's, but the kind you put your drink on. Tom and I were downtown and I found these fantastic coasters that, if I still had a life, would be the talk of the party. Alas, I have no life and they are now snug in a drawer for when I might have people come over and drink at my house. Anyway, I wanted to share. They're called "How Drunk" coasters. There is a fatal flaw in them, however. They're made of glass. Obviously the person who thought of these was funny, but not especially smart. I guess you can't have both. Here ya go!
1) Sober: Adj., Possessed of iron will, but often lacking a sense of humor. Helpful with doing dishes, finding cd's and lifts home. Probably in need of several stiff drinks!
2) Tipsy: Adj., The usual signs are a flushed face, stupid grin, loud voice and a profound love for manking. The sufferer is incredibly deep, intelligent and insightful but prone to giggle.
3) Plastered: Adj., Extrememly generous, loud and confident. Suffering from verbal diarrhea and a belief that he/she can drink anyone under the table.
4) Drunk: Adj., Suffering from vision, hearing & speech impairment, with an insatiable appetite for pizza. Will do anything maves. Possessing an illogical belief that he/she is gorgeous despite dribbling and slobbering.
5) Wasted: Adj., Invincible but incapable. Suffering from extreme loss of balance, co-ordination and sex appeal. Liable to sleep anywhere. Babbling incoherently with loss of most bodily functions.
6) Hung-Over: Adj., Suffering from near death like state, often catatonic and always with a pounding headache. Unbalanced with no sense of humor. Needs a total silence and another drink!

Funny to me. Funny to you? Please no comments on how accurate they might have described me at some point while y'all were with me. And no, there will not be a poll as to what state y'all think I was in the most :)


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