Parental Advice

I know some of you are parents and some of you aren't, but let me just dish out my little bit of disfunctional parenting advice.
Let's say you have a kid. Yeah for procreating. Let's say they can go over and see if their neighbor would like to come out and play. YEAH! Now here comes the whopping amount of assvice you're going to need:
TEACH YOUR KID TO RING THE DOORBELL ONCE. O.N.C.E.! ONCE ONCE ONCE ONCE ONCE!
Was that clear?
ONCE

Ok, now that we have that back under control. I come home from work, sans child. I proceed to go do, what I do, after work, everyday. It consists of me, a newspaper and, well, you get the drift. I kid you NOT my doorbell rang 15 TIMES!! I was almost about to hike up my skirt and just keep pooping in front of a horrifid child, but I refrained, because, that's not nice. Instead, I yelled that I was busy and to go away.
THEN, to my horror, it happened again!!!!! I sent her away again and in person with my "Honey, we hear the doorbell the first time you push it." smart ass comment. UGH!!!!
I need wine.