Monday, June 26, 2006


This, is Sacajawea.

We also called her Pocahontas and Bob. She is the devil!! We were oh so very excited when we figured out how to make our German Mercedes talk to us in English.

We could find the radio tuner, the CD eject button, but most of all, we could figure out how to work the stupid GPS and input destinations so we wouldn’t have to rely on a map. One word ~ F.U.C.K.!
Sacajawea was good to us at the start. We found our way from the airport to Landstuhl, but we pretty much already knew that route. She was just back ground noise that trip, but seemed to lead us in the right direction had we been map and location illiterate.
Her next test came with navigating us to Garmisch from Landstuhl! We were both so excited to have her bob and weave us around some larger cities and to inform us of upcoming Staus (traffic jams) and, for the most part, she did a nice job. Until….
I’m not sure what went wrong. Between the map I had in my hand, and Sacajawea’s directions, we seemed to be doing ok. We got right out side of Garmisch and right off the Autobahn, just like we had been instructed. Tom, however, had to pee. Tom doesn’t have a bladder, period. It’s the size of a small ant and needs to be released on a frequent, yet untimely interval schedule. Anyway, we’re hitting Garmisch, Tom is doing the I need to pee dance and Sacajawea is saying “Please turn right in 3 kilometers onto the B2”. The nice thing about Germany, is men can pee on the side of the road. If you have to go, pull over and go. There are also these little pull off’s called Parking pull offs where you can stretch your legs and do a picnic, but have no bathrooms NOR are you allowed to pee here. Makes no sense, but such is the law of men peeing on the side of the road!
Anyway, we turn left and start heading UP this large mountain. There's road construction on this large uphill mountain road, which leads me to laugh, because, well, Tom has to pee! We got ten shades of distracted and stopped looking at the map and just listened to Sacajawea. Bad move. Tom pulled off at those lovely parking pull offs and peed in the woods and we arrived in some random little town. Pretty, but not Garmisch.
We keep listening to Sacajawea and we think we're just taking a back route and we're almost there. She tells us, turn left in 1km. We do. Then, in 100 meters she says "You have reached your destination, have a nice day!"
Tom and I both look around. We are in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!! We're not even in a town, we're in the middle of NOWHERE! B.I.T.C.H.!
Needless to say, we back tracked and found our location. Unfortunetly for Sacajawea (who we made the mistake of using ONE MORE TIME) it was the end of the line for her. Stupid Sacajawea!


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